January 2012 - A Bad Feeling

Here goes my life on the year of 2012. My fading memory serves me well.

Welcome 2012! OR Am I welcome for 2012??
I didn't know how i spent my new year.
Aahhh! I remember, i just slept on new year's eve. Sleep my ass off, without fireworks, away from family. Alone, lonely, laying on the corner of the dark room. Hahahaha. Sometimes i get carried away from this emo situation.
This was unexpected, since i planned to spend my new year with her and chose to stay here.
BUT


This shittymind just can't stop thinking. She wants to spend new year with someone else. . . That feeling.
Malungkot ang pasok ng new year ko. I didn't understand why she doesn't want our family to be complete. I was struggling to make it work. But at the back of my mind, i knew what was the reason. Maybe i was scared of the truth. All i needed was just a confirmation from her. All i did was guess.

To ease my loneliness, I bought a ticket for my son. I let him come here with my mom, he was a year and two month old. I wanted comfort in him. His smile were the ones giving me joy and keeps me from going on. Also, i wanted her to see our son, to let her know we are family. to keep her reminded that we are here.